Climbing is dangerous! Every year many climbers are broken, maimed, and killed. Don't be so foolish as to trust your life to what you see here. I'm not a guide and neither is this web site. If you don't know what you are doing or where you are going, please take a course or hire a guide!
FredBot is the highly refined, waterproof, mil-spec, outdoor-use version of the widely available indoor-only Sendbot. FredBot features include:
FredBot Digestive System: Eats snaffle, slide alder, and devils club, craps manila hemp.
FredBot Eyes: Can easily distinguish between the obvious gully and the obviously not obvious gully. Can see through white-outs and ground fog, especially to find your girlfriend (see FredBot Pits).
FredBot Pits: Exude copious amounts of FredBot pheromomones, combines with FredBotSkin to make FredBot irresistible to your girlfriend.
FredBot Chalk Bag: Crafted from snaffle skin left over from last night's dinner, filled with snaffle bone ground to fine powder by FredBot Teeth.
FredBot Feet: Soles tougher than Vibram, more sticky than Stealth, featuring tough-as-steel retractable five-point crampons/toe nails.
FredBot Nose: Can smell a delectable dinner-size snaffle from over a mile away. Can catch a whiff of an untrammeled route from three easy scrambles and one slightly brushy valley away.
FredBot Hands: Look (and work) like #3.5 Camalots.
FredBot Fingers: Each FredBot finger features two knuckles from which the molds for Frost Sentinel nuts were cast.
FredBot Ears: Widely rumored to be non-functional, they simply operate in stealth mode so FredBot isn't distracted by your whining when he steals your girlfriend (see FredBot Pits).
FredBot Skin: Effortlessly sheds copious amount of Northwest Liquid Sunshine. Impervious to thorns, bug bites, and crack rash. Permabronze coloring combines with FredBot Pits to make him irresistible to your girlfriend.
FredBot Pack: Looks like an old-school ruck, but weighs nothing and carries everything.
FredBot Little Black Book (LBB): Widely believed to be nothing more than a rumor, the FredBot LBB does exist, but is invisible to all but FredBot and Helmybot. All notes are taken in Helmyglyphics or Fredskrit, so you couldn't read it even if you could see it.
FredBot Guidebooks: Filled with translations of information formerly housed in the FredBot LBB. Consists mostly of routes you'll:
FredBot Belay Slave: Your girlfriend. See FredBot Pits and FredBot Skin.
This page was last edited on
Saturday, July 03, 2004